Let's get personal...

Pool Boy and I have had a lot weighing on us lately...

The stress of his job and what our next year looks like because of that has been a lot by itself. But, in addition, (brace yourselves peeps it's about to get real personal) we've been dealing with infertility. I swear this blog won't become a place where that's all I talk about .... but it's been weighing on my heart and I just want to be open about it.

I'm not sure why I feel like it's this big, shameful thing...as if I have control over it. Because believe me...if I had control this is not the situation we'd be in. But it's where we are nonetheless. After being poked and prodded for years to figure out what is going on we finally have an answer....Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).

 It's a lot of words that basically mean I'm insulin resistant. And no it's not because I'm overweight and unhealthy...PCOS in most is caused by obesity but there are some where it's hereditary...and that would be me. 

The fertility doctor was very clear about how tough it's going to be for us to conceive and even tougher to carry a baby to full term. The odds are not all that great. In addition, the long-term effects including type 2 diabetes, heart disease, uterine cancer...ugh, ugh and ugh! Not what we wanted to hear, right?!

Very long story somewhat short...the doc wants me on a combo of drugs to see if I can even create functioning eggs (yep, more personal details). One of which she warned would make me sick. As in throw up, sick to my stomach, bed on the bathroom floor sick...except she said, "It'll make you a bit nauseaous but you'll be fine." Not the case folks...I've been sick for two weeks! The last three days of which have been the worst.

 So after a long husband/wife discussion tonight involving lots of tears and fears (not to be confused with the band Tears for Fears) we decided I'd stop the meds. Not sure how this will impact everything, but I just refuse to believe that there isn't a more natural way to cure this. There's got to be and I'm going to find it.

As much as we want a baby, we also know that our time and our wants are not usually the same as God's. He has his own way for things to happen and that's okay.

In the meantime, we'll see what the doctor says of my revelation next week (she'll probably be totally irritated with me) and tell me that no natural remedy will ever fix it. Well, we'll just see about that.

Regardless, it means that all white flour and sugar are out of my diet permanently...major bummer. The upside to all of this is that I have an amazing partner loving me through this whole thing. He's good...like the best kind of good a man can be. My heart is so full of love for him that sometimes I swear it could just burst.

Thanks for listening.